I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
