Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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