I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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