your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
