You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
