he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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