sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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