you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
