There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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