why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
