I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
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Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
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I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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