i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
