The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
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My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
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I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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