I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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