the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
