I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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