So drunk its hurt
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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