oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Randomize
