$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
