Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm getting married
To pizza
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
