The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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