She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
