I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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