He is such a slut. More and more my type.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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