You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
he shaved USA in his pubs
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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