you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
