I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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