Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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