Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
