my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
