Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
