guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I can't put those talents on a resume
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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