So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
