Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
