I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
