I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
