Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
