There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
