yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
