We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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