Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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