In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
