he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
