It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
