Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
