my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
