You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
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