Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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