dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
