New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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