How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
