it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
