she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
