The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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