my sisters under your porch take her home
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
