Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
