My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
