Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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