Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
