the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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