you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i think i have two assholes
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Randomize
