Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
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Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
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U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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