It's just like the Real World with babies
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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