i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
