A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm too high and old for this...
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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