Ambien. No doubt about it.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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