just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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