Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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