when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
