you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
