Betty ford says i'm here all night
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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